Monday, 23 July 2012


Yesterday I poached salmon in a pint of milk, which I strained and used to make mushroom and spring onion sauce. There was about a quarter of a pint of the hot milk left. 

I picked up the jug with the hot poaching milk in it to empty it. Then I thought, 'No! Don't throw it away! Its hot milk. Put it in coffee.' 

Pleased with myself. I returned to the sauce, stirring it til it thickened. I ran through the recipe mentally as I did so... 

A light bulb went on in my head (and, funnily enough, it was slow like the new type). 

'OH MY GOD!!!' I realised what I was planning for the poaching milk, 'I was gonna make COFFEE with it!!!' 

I quickly grabbed the jug of milk and emptied it down the sink in order to avoid this error permanently. 
Phew! That was close!

Saturday, 21 July 2012


I went to the corner shop the other morning for some cigarette papers. (I know, I'm giving up tobacco, but I still like the odd spliff.) I had a few pipes in order to face outside and toddled off on my quest. 
"Blue Rizla" I kept repeating to myself, "Blue Rizla." 
I got to the shop; so far so good...  "Blue Rizla."
Then I got distracted by four Andrex rolls for £1.99. I stopped to pick a pack up, noticed a large bottle of Fairy liquid for £1.29 and got that too.  I was pleased with my bargains and the fact that I was relaxed and not at all anxious. 
As I put my shopping on the counter, I remembered the Blue Rizla that I needed and tried to ask for it.
"Can I have some brue..." 
 I smiled and tried again, " A pack of brue..." 
I couldn't say blue!!!
My mouth wanted to say Brue Lizra! I giggled remembering the old joke. 
"Erm, brue..."  
The woman serving was just looking at me with incomprehension. I gesticulated at the cigarette papers with both hands saying, weakly, "Brue?!
She laughed as she finally understood and got me the papers.